Peasant Woman

Welcome! We, the Peasant People, are excited you've decided to drop by. Let's start by introducing you to our cast of characters:

There's Peasant Woman, the inspiration,
and me, her Peasant Daughter,
as well as a host of revolving characters. They include
my husband, Kimo,
and my infant son, Mali Zub (Little Tooth), pronounced Mah-lee Zoob,
as well as the occasional cameo by my Peasant Brother
and his Peasant Family.
Now that we've got that out of the way, let's go ahead and begin.

So you're probably wondering just who in the hell is this Peasant Woman. Well, that's the beauty of it, my friends. She's your basic, over-the-top, straight-talking Eastern European everywoman. That's right. Immigrated from the meaty bones of the Balkans some forty years ago, and now she's living in your neighborhood.

The problem is that she doesn't always like to be bothered. At least until she's had her coffee (Turkish coffee, to be exact). Then all hell breaks loose.

But until that happens, it's up to me, Peasant Daughter, to carry the flame. So I'll do my best to bring you dispatches from the front lines while we wait for her to get all good and caffeinated. And when she does, you can be sure there'll be a fiery podcast or a nice and toasty, obscenity-filled piece of advice with your name on it.

Why is it that whenever you ask someone who's planning on immigrating what they're going to do when they get to the U.S., they almost always say "Import-Export?" At least if it's a guy. A woman would never say such a thing. But the men--and it's always the old-school, super-ethnic guys here--puff up their chests, point to some ratty rug, and look at me, haughtily, as if I should know better.

Meet my extended relatives.

I fear we're turning Mali Zub (Mah-lee Zoob) into a crack addict. We started giving Little Tooth Baby Tylenol when he turned five months old and began teething like a motherfucker. Now when he sees us (and our little pink dropper full of baby-crack) coming, he opens up his mouth and his eyes start to roll back into his head. And he's still fourteen years away from high school.